Zakir's Date From Hell with Atsuko!!

[13:52:00] 

Crazy. Dang. Not a great, not a grave. And we're back. And we're back. And we're back, man. Zucker. I know. Becky. Fuck you, Becky. Well, do you think that's why it took her so long to get ready? Because she's like, is he Indian? No, I think she didn't, I think she just thought she was some other ethnicity, which by the way is is odd cuz I interviewed him.

He looks Indian Uhhuh and so she's just late Anyway, she's just late. I think she was just late, late Uhhuh 45 minutes late for a date. I, I've had that happen once, but he was held up at gunpoint, so it did feel. Oh, that felt fair. And he still showed up. He still showed up. I'd be like, Hey, like, you know, this is what's happening.

Can't come. If he wanted to, he would. Wow. But he's like, I mean that, that's Wow. Respect. I know, right? I don't, yeah. I mean, that's never happened to me. Um, being stood up or being stood up? I've never been, yeah. Stood up. Did I say [13:53:00] it with the right inflection? Yes. You did. Stood up. Yeah. Stood up. Yeah. Being or being stood up, like that one's a lighter.

Lighter, right. Although I think a lot of people feel really bad when they get stood up on a date. No, of course. And you don't. Yeah. That's terrible. It's like the worst when feeling, when I see it in movies, it's like, you know, I've only seen it in movies and I've heard of people going through it too. I've, I, I haven't dated, I didn't date that that much, so.

Right. Um. Probably the only reason I haven't experienced that. It's just because you've been in long, I think it's a numbers game. Monogamous relationships. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Uh, but, uh, and then also never been held up by gunpoint, you know? But I just feel like that would take up my whole day. Yeah. Maybe week.

I mean, he showed up to the date and continued the date and Yeah, we started dating. No. And you were talking about it? No, no. Like for the date? Mm-hmm. No, he lied and he said, I'm so sorry. I left my phone and my Uber like, that's what, and I couldn't find the bar cuz he wasn't from here. Wow. Wow. And then, and then a [13:54:00] couple days into us dating, he was like, okay, so I need to tell you the truth of what happened.

And I was like, what? Wow. Yeah. That would be the first thing I know. Say I know. Me too. I would be like, first of all, now, welcome to the next four hours of your life. Yeah. Talking about this experience that I just had. Now I'm really interested in this kind of personality type. Not that like I'm super into like Enneagram and stuff like that.

Yeah. But like I have a couple of friends who are really into it. Every time I do that, I get a different number. You do? Mm-hmm. Uh oh. I don't know. What does that mean? Well, did I break it or am I broken? Wait, like you get a different number? Yeah. And do you know the numbers? Like three, seven, I think maybe I was a four or five.

I might have been an eight. Like Yeah, it really does. I get different just depending on, you've covered it, I mean Hmm. Wow. I'm definitely not a six. Uh oh. Uh, I dunno what that is. Okay. Because you just never get that. Yeah. Yeah. Dang. I mean, there's gotta be, what are you? I'm a four. Okay. Four is like the individualist or [13:55:00] something.

Okay. Who's like, sort of the artist and, you know, just, um, yeah. were you always like that? I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. So kind of like a dreamer, kind of like fantasizes about things a lot. Head in the clouds. Yeah. Misunderstood, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So that's, yeah. Did you date or have crushes when you were younger?

I did. Yeah. Yeah, you did. Okay. But I wouldn't like act on it. I would like kind of dream about it a lot. Ah. So like, you know, like I had a crush on, I would have crushes on people at school, but I would just sort of like daydream or come up with like scenarios where we were hanging out or something.

But I wouldn't, but I wouldn't actually talk to them. No, no. I would have a hard time doing that. Yeah. Because you were shy then. I was very, very shy. Yeah. That is so wild to, yeah. Yeah. To. What changed? Um, yeah, for being not shy, a lot of trial and error, you know, and then the need and want to connect with people.

Mm. Like, you know, it's also why I got into performing [13:56:00] right. And becoming a comedian is like, uh, every morning I get up wanting to just like, make that connection with humans. That's what I like about it. Um, Yeah. And so that requires you to put yourself out there, you know, so, um, and be vulnerable. I, the reason why I'm asking is because I feel like there's so many people who are like shy when it comes to dating, maybe not their friends or whatever.

And I feel like it's an interesting parallel uhhuh knowing that like, you were a shy kid that's always been an artist, but maybe wasn't the most outgoing, and now I think everybody would say you're outgoing. Yeah, totally. Yeah. I mean, yeah, like I. Uh, yeah. Even if you feel shy, I think it's fair to say you are very outgoing and you have managed to figure out how to cultivate that confidence.

Right, right. It took a long time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't think I found it till like five years ago even. Truly. And three of those years were pandemic, so who cares? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Who cares? I found [13:57:00] confidence. I was at home. Where was it? Sock drawer. Where was what? The Cnce was Is sock door. What's sock door?

Is that a word that I, was it hiding in your sock drawer? Oh, my sock drawer. I'm sorry. Wait, am I hearing things wrong? Like I don't hear things correctly? Um, You know what I, I know what a sock drawer is. Well, I think, you know, honestly, I'm not an organized person, so like, um, oh, maybe you have like a, it's not two words I hear a lot because together I don't.

Yeah, a sock drawer is also our underwear drawer. Now I have to say this out loud, so I remember our New York organization system at home. Yeah. Is that a you thing or a Ryan thing? Um, Ryan is very organized. Yeah. And he wants to be organized, but I'm very messy. Mm-hmm. So, more recently, you know, we're, we're labeling things like.

This drawer is for this, right? This closet is for this. Okay. Um, cuz there's no longer, or we're trying to not have socks and underwear on the floor anymore. [13:58:00] Yes. Right? Yeah. Fair. And so sock drawer is a newer two word combination that I'm hearing. So no wonder I probably blacked out because it made me think of cleaning.

Oh my God. But, uh, Yeah. That kind of personality. A person who wants to, you know what, it's probably someone who's just like thinking of the other person. He was right. He didn't wanna freak me out. Yeah. And or at least that's what he said. And it's so wild because you're a stranger to him, you know, at that time.

But I was a hot stranger. Yeah, I guess so. It could be for selfish reasons too. Mm-hmm. Who knows? Yeah. Who knows? I mean, don't scare off the hot stranger. They might not put their mouth on you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was probably as far as I went, they already put their mouth on me. Might as well tell 'em the truth now.

Mm-hmm. And that's what happened? Yeah. A couple days in. Yeah. Or like a couple dates in. Yeah. Okay. Wow. That's literally what happened. Yeah. Yeah. First I was all, ooh, altruistic. What a good person. No, this story is about a man. Sure. Of course. And that's what I was [13:59:00] thinking at first too. When I, when we heard Zucker's story, I was like, this story, this is a story of a man.

And then I was like, I don't know. I don't know. And then, wow, it was Zucker a real twist because the twist was, I, I didn't know what Zucker looked like in my head. Zucker, I mean, Zucker with a name like Zucker. Yeah. In my head. Could have been a white dude too. Mm-hmm. So, Yeah. When the twist was that, you know, he was, um, Becky, the white girl asking her brown date.

Mm-hmm. What ethnicity would you not date? Yeah. Great storytelling. Who put it together. Thank you. Me? Yeah. The twists and turns. Yeah. Wild. I was there with it. Yeah. Thank you. So when did you get your first boyfriend? I got my first boyfriend when I was, I 17 or something. Okay. 17 high school. High school.

Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, just like, I think that's like a, is that a regular, you know, it's like having a size Mine is 17. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's, um, average. You know, there's average height. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Average boyfriend age. Yeah. Average. So shoe size. I feel [14:00:00] like I'm, I fit a lot of those. Yeah. I'm size eight.

You know, I'm five, eight and a half. Five, three, you know, five, four. Yeah, we're about like right about the same. We're what the mini version America average when it comes to, right. I just, yeah, I don't really see as average, but I, I'll go with this for the sake of that. It's what society calls, quote unquote, the average woman.

Five three. Five four. Mm-hmm. Size eight. Shoe dates at 17. Dates at 17, and then, I don't know. You've had to have had some, I feel like before the average woman, we had to have had at least a couple toxic relationships. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I mean, you're married, I'm not, but that together, I guess we average that out.

Yeah. To, to what? Like a Yeah. Yeah, to, I don't know. I don't know what the average of not dating and married is. Or wait, dating and marriage? I don't know. I don't need to think this hard stressed, Don. We don't need to think this, this hard. Don't need to think this hard. Why am I being the ER out of nowhere?

You asked a very [14:01:00] simple question. At what age did you date? Yeah. I said 17. Yeah. Now here we are. Now. Here we are. He was a very emo boy. Is he anything like Ryan? No. Hmm. Interesting. Oh, but very uh, very caring. You know, I. But probably like closer to okay, I said I'm not really in 10 Enneagrams, but just because I've been thinking about it.

Sure. There's like unhealthy numbers mm-hmm. That you can be, or like you unhealthy version of your number that you can be and your personality. and so I feel like he's the unhealthy version of me, my first boyfriend. Whoa, how so? So like the dreamer fantasizing. Mm-hmm. So, you know, would want to do things, you know, but he wouldn't do it, right?

Mm-hmm. So then he would get really down and emo about it and felt really misunderstood and like an outcast, you know? And so he would drink a lot. He was very angry and sad, but he would take it out on himself, you know? Wow. It was, yeah. So I just can't see you [14:02:00] even dating that. I just didn't, I wasn't picky.

I was 17. I was just like, you know, before that I was so afraid to talk to any of my crushes. Mm. So, you know, I got brave like online, you know, on AOL Instant Messenger, you know, and it was like a friend of a friend and I just, it's, it's easier to be brave online. So I just, um, was flirty there. And then, and then he was also kind of shy, so it just worked out.

It wasn't. You know, we thought each other were cute or something. Yeah. But it wasn't like, you know, you would've killed on dating apps. It's a, it's a bummer that you miss them. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's true. I never really got on them because if you feel like you could be braver online, man, you would've slayed.

No way. Cuz then you still have to show up in person. That's true and be like, that's true. Do I match? Right. Match that personality. And so that was hard. But uh, honestly he didn't care cuz for we were each other's [14:03:00] first. Aw. With everything. Yeah. So it's just like, you know, we didn't have to be the perfect person for the other person.

Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah it does. It totally makes sense. Yeah. I was like opposite where I was super, super picky and then my first boyfriend, I don't know, it was idyllic and then not so idyllic in the end. Mm. Yeah. How did you, I mean, being picky, right? Mm-hmm. Like that takes a level of like knowing yourself and knowing your boundaries and self-confidence.

Yeah. So like, you know, I had a pretty, like, I think I had a pretty strong role models in my parents. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As part of it, one of my questions I had for you was like, growing up in such a, like a matriarchal family, Yeah. Do you feel like that affected your dating or love life at all? A hundred percent.

How so? They, I was living with two generations of women. Like it was three generations of women. Right? Yeah. My mom and grandma, and they been single and celibate ever since I've known them. Whoa. So that's, [14:04:00] I had no role models, you know, with like how to talk to someone you have a crush on. Yeah. What to do if you do start dating.

Any of it. Yeah. And my grandma was the one that raised me, you know? But she's 50 years older than me. Your didn't? Grandma's a star. Oh, my grandma, woman a star. Ugh. We love her. We all of America and the world. It's interesting because she's not very cultured and I'll say it. Okay. Recently I was like, Hmm, people love my grandma and I love her too.

Okay. Yeah, obviously, but she's not into anything. She has no interests, no hobbies, nothing. She listens to no music. She listens, she watches no movies, no TV shows, nothing. What does she do all day? She doesn't read. She just cooks and then just like likes to take care of things. Wow. So she'll clean or you know, you got like a built-in assistant in grandma.

I guess, yeah, I mean she mostly, you know, takes care of my mom and so she just, yeah, she just has no interest. And then so when it comes to dating, she has no idea either. Yeah. She literally married the first boy that [14:05:00] talked to her. Right. Whoa. So, and then my mom, you know, just like didn't date my dad was her first everything too.

Sure. So I had no idea. I would watch movies and stuff, and I Did you ever think you were gonna marry your first boyfriend? No. Okay. No, I didn't, I didn't know anything. I, I thought I could actually, I did. Yeah. I, I thought I was going to with mine. That's true. I, I think I had it in the calendar that like, I was gonna marry him like four years on this day.

We're just sign here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had it in like my phone calendar, my cell phone calendar. I always thought that he and I would break up, but that we would get back together later in life. I always thought that my story with him was going to be like, we reconnected, like Harry met Sally and we did reconnect.

He got an apartment across the street from mine and didn't tell me and could see into mine from his window. For how long? Too long. Wow. Yeah. So, uh, did he know and then, and then how did you find out? Taking out the trash or something? No, a like a [14:06:00] mutual friend told me. Oh. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? And then I moved out and then I called him on it.

Yeah. And he was like, that's not true. It's coincidence. And I was like, what? Was he still like obsessed with you? Mm, a little bit. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. See, I don't have stories like this. Nobody's like ever still obsessed with me. Really? No, nobody. I feel like people are obsessed with you now. They just can't get with you cuz you've been with Ryan maybe, which I don't know.

We love. Nobody really goes like, oh girl, if I can, I don't know, I read all my dms. Is that how people hit on people? Oh my gosh. I don't, do you get crazy dms? Um, I, yeah, but I do, you know, I, I, I like, uh, talking to my fans, I'm still figuring out boundaries. Okay. I'm very stunted with things. I, you'll see this, you know, that you'll realize this, uh, as we talk more, but like, you know, learning boundaries, having self-confidence, knowing who I am, and, you know, all that comes with.

That first, right? Like knowing who you are so then you know what kind of person you wanna date. Like you knew early [14:07:00] on. Mm-hmm. Or, but now I don't. Now you don't. I feel like now I'm so lost cuz I've dated so many different types of people and I've collected so many different like. Pieces of baggage and wounds and, you know, emotional traumas.

And now I'm like, fuck, I have no idea. Well, that's when you do things like, uh, you know, deprivation tank or shrooms or, um, Dunham. Dunham got some in my bag. Ketamine. Ketamine therapy. Yeah. You know, things like that. Yeah. That's the cool thing about, as an adult, you have these other about being in LA Yes.

And being in LA you have these extra things that could help. Yeah. You know, sort of hone yourself back in. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So that's fine. How did you know you've done so much? You're lost that, that's basically it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done so little. I found myself like it was, it was, it was easier for me to go.

Interesting. Oh, okay. Yeah. Is that how you knew? Do you believe in the one or do you believe in one? What? Is that I'm, I was gonna, is that Avatar? I was going to [14:08:00] say, is that Shape of Water? I didn't know, or how did you know Ryan was the one? Oh. But then I was like, oh, maybe she doesn't believe in the one. So I'm like, do you believe in ones like there are many, like, oh, how did you lock it down with Ryan, I guess is my question?

Oh, I'm very like in the moment in the present. So like if I'm feeling you just woke up on a Tuesday and you were like, You wanna, I'm very like, you know, I'm, I can read people very well, you know, for like, because I'm, I do, I did live in my head for so long and I was like a dreamer and, yeah.

And my mom, you know, growing up with my mom, who, who suffered from mental illness and. You know, epilepsy and she was a recluse. She stayed in indoors and has no friends. Like watching her suffer still to this day, like it just makes me, I'm pretty good at reading people, I feel like, and that's a weird thing to say.

No one ever wants to hang out with someone who says that. It's like saying I'm an empath.  But I. I am. That's one of the very few things I'm good at. I'm not good at a lot of things. I don't hike. You're great at a lot of things. I don't hike. [14:09:00] I don't camp. I don't, you know, I don't, I can't s I don't hike.

I don't camp. Okay. I can sing. I can't sing. I could barely read. Wait, what? I, yeah. I feel like my eyes go crossed. I get bored. I like an audio book. Oh my God. I've seen you read. And I was like, wow. She's reading. You're like, holy shit. While we're hanging out. That blonde girl. Oh yeah, that's right. At Bobby's pool.

Yeah. We're like socializing. I was like reading a book on breakup and she's so sure of herself. She's reading. I. Yeah. I'm a, I'm a nerd. I'm so insecure When I'm with a group of friends, I'm like, no. Oh, I'm very present with all of them. You know, you don't come off that way. This could be the last day. You don't come off that way at all.

So the night before Uhhuh the, the what we're what I'm talking about Uhhuh. We were hanging out by Bobby's pool. Yeah, we give, we'll just say it. We have a mutual friend in Bobby Burke, who is lovely and invited us to his house in Palm Springs. So the hardest working on one on Queer Eye, a Hondo. And, So it was like a sleepover. Yes. Right. I only, [14:10:00] I only stayed on the property one night, but the night before, we watched a couple of new episodes of Queer Eye. Yes. Right. And honestly, like, you know, everyone there, uh, were kind of like new people to me. Right. Like I, of course I've known you, but also you were still newer too, you know, and, uh, I know, I know Ryan longer, right?

Yeah. Ryan is my husband. Yeah. I think, oh yeah. I guess we've now referenced him several times. I just assume everybody knows. Yeah. No. Yeah, Ryan. Ryan is who the name I gave. God, you've married twice. I can't wait to get into that. And so your two time husband? My two time husband, uh, hopefully, you know, there's a third marriage wedding.

Who knows? Yeah. Yeah. Really lock it in, you know. But, uh, so yes. Okay. So the night before we were watching Queer Eye episodes. Mm-hmm. And I clocked, you know, Because the thing with Queer Eye is right, they're saving people's lives. People who are kind of hot messes. Right. And one of the people [14:11:00] like, oh, it was like a group of frat boys.

Yes. And they didn't wake up till noon. Yes. Right. And I remember that being a thing in the episode, just like you don't wake up till noon. And everyone in the room we were watching the show with went, oh my God. Oh, and I remember. Again, I'm not a morning person. Right, right. And I was like, oh my God, everyone, everyone thinks this is not good.

So I was, I I went along, I was like, oh man. I was all, oh yeah. Th this. Wow. Noon. What a freaking loser. Right. And then the next morning, I don't know if you know this, but you woke up at noon? No, I woke up. I was like, I was like, Brian, it's 8:00 AM I, we have to get up. We have to be up. We can't be seen waking up at our actual time.

These are new friends. Oh my God. And so then I was like all of a sudden, like I was up. And because I heard everyone was waking up. I do shit like that. Okay. That's interesting. I think. But I, I'm, I'm, I'm an open book, so I talked about it. Yeah. Cuz I was like, I don't, I mean, because they were like, you're up.

I was like, uh, here's the thing. I, I, uh, [14:12:00] like I clocked it when You'all were like judging the people for waking up at noon. So I was like, I think you did tell me that the next day I gotta be up. Say that. That's why I'm up. But this is not my usual self. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I am honest about who I am.

Sure. But I do want to. Still impress. Mm. Anyway, I'm talking way too much. This is all to say, what were we talking about? Did that feel like, did you feel that way when you started dating Ryan, that you wanted to impress? Uh, of course we all wanna impress at first, you know, with dating. I don't know.

Sometimes I don't. Oh, sometimes I try to set the bar low just so that I get better as time goes on. You know, this is a thing, it's not a science experiment or it doesn't have to be, please give me some advice. You just feel the heart to heart connection. So it was, for me, I was saying, you know, I do, I am pretty good at reading people and so when I know, I just know, right?

If I, I'm like, oh, I don't think this person's that good of a person. Fair. I just know, I know with six year olds even. Whoa, this kid is, you're like, this kid's got problems. He doesn't have empathy for other [14:13:00] people. Wow. That's not good. You know what I mean? And so I just felt that with Ryan and then, so I was like, well, why not?

You could just tell he was like a. Caring person. It's not about a soulmate because if you go out in the world dating, looking for the one mm-hmm. You're looking for this like hypothetical potential like made up thing, you know? So just you, you'll be blind to what's in front of you. You might be connecting real hardcore and you're just like, but what if there is the one out there?

You know? I feel like you just described the tyranny of choice. Is that a book? I haven't read it. No. Oh, no. No. Okay. It's like a, is that Avatar three? Yes. No, the tyranny of choice is like a, a philosophy or a thing like with dating apps, right? That like I, it's very Hollywood. We could be talking and I'm kind of like looking at the door to see if somebody cooler, more famous or better walks in, right?

Oh, it's so annoying. It's like choice. It's like on apps you're swiping and I'm like, Ooh, this guy's like great. But then I'm like, [14:14:00] but what are, what's around the corner? Yeah, maybe the next one will be better. And nobody around the corner Girl World's got, Earth's got 15 more years, 15. Settle for the person in front of you.

Take the short case if you're connecting and having a great time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. I agree. Oh my gosh. You just described something that like irks me so much and I don't get annoyed or angry at things very much. Mm-hmm. But yeah, I hate it when people look over my shoulder at parties.

Me too. Looking for like who, what? I know. Did you bring your script with you? Are you gonna sell it right now? Dude or who are you hoping to me? I don't. Yeah, it's why know? Mr. Netflix, Mr. Netflix. Hi, Mr. Netflix. Who do you want? Like what do you Who? John Ham. I know. To do what? Do what? He's married. You wanna fuck him?

Yes. I'm talking to you. Yes please. Thank you. Could you set it up? I'm fun. It's so annoying. Pisses me off. [14:15:00] The same. Off dating. It is the same. Dating. You're having fun. Just like, like you gotta be happy. Like if you're giggly, if you're like, if you walk away from the day, like, oh my God, that person's so dumb.

Oh my God. That thing that, oh my God, that's if you're doing that, you like that person. Yeah man, give it a shot. That's gonna be my barometer is like whether or not how like giggly I am after the fact. Yeah. I mean, sure there's some things you should consider, I guess, like financials and stuff like that, but I didn't even consider that with Ryan.

That is, uh, probably what's wrong with me too though, like, I don't think about. You know, future stuff. I'm so present. Right. So I wasn't like, do you have credit card debt? You know? Right, right, right, right. He was a little like that with me, but he, because he'd been married before, he's older than me and he's a, you know, he, that's right.

And I was a credit card debt. I would just, when did you realize that you guys, so you got [14:16:00] married the first time when? Six years ago. And then what happened this year where you realized you weren't married? nobody turned in the marriage certificate. That's what happened. So this whole time we've been just boyfriend and girlfriend.

Boyfriend and girlfriend. And you thought you were married? Yeah. I tell people I'm married all the time, but, and my standup, that's my husband, people have called me the wife guy. Wait, what is it? The, yeah. The the wife guy. The female wife guy of comedy. Well, my husband. My husband. This my husband. That's hilarious.

This whole time. He's not my husband, but who forgot to turn the papers in. You're like me. No, I mean, you know, at first it's like, oh my God. Right? That's so us, you know, we looked at each other. Oh my god, that's so us. It's so us. Right? When the, uh, you know, um, like LA City Court lady, somebody called us. And said, ring, ring.

We got [14:17:00] news. Yeah. We have no record of you ever having gotten married. Um, whoa. When she said that, you know, because I know who I am, because we know who we are, we were like, oh, it's our fault. Of course, of course. Yeah, yeah, sure. Of course. And we're not married. Yeah. How we thought we could have a dog and like own a dog and then a month later we realized we're not dog people.

Things like that happen to us all the time, which is why you're not gonna have kids. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. We like things like that. Happened all the time, but it was fault. There was a trash bag under our car for like a month and we're like, Hmm, our car smells like it's burning. What is happening? There's a trash bag.

And it burned onto, I mean, you guys are like perfect for each other. Yeah, we're, I love that. Together, we'll burn the house down and so of course we're not married, so we thought it was our fault, but then we found out that the efficient, usually I. Turns it in. Turns it in. And he didn't. Yeah. And it was a, [14:18:00] a good friend of ours, someone who, um, oh shit, my bad.

Mm-hmm. That sucks. Yeah, that's bad for friends. He introduced respect to each other too. Really? And you know what's funny? My father-in-law is a preacher Uhhuh, and he begged for us to marry us. Oh. But we are like, no, no, no. Your church stands for like homophobia and like right-wing stuff. Cons, you know, we, but they don't, were probably organized.

Of course Christians are good at paperwork. Yeah. Conservatives will never mess up paperwork. That's how they keep winning. Yes. They cross those t's and they dot those ass. We're all ideas and, oh, love and peace, you know? Yeah. We could all file paperwork. No. Mm-hmm. We got, we were like, no, we're gonna have our queer friend marry us to make a statement.

And then our friend and, and it was a statement and then our friend got too drunk at the wedding and forgot to try to make work. I was drunk too. Yeah. So none of us. Yeah, so that's probably what happened. That's amazing. So then we got married a. Second. Yeah, we had to go back second and get, do it again.

Married a second time. Um, which one was better? Well, you know, [14:19:00] it's very different. The second one was, uh, you know, quicker. Quicker. It was a hundred bucks. And my grandma, we had to bring two people who were at the wedding. Okay. To prove it to, to say yes. We were, we watched these two dumb dumbs, you know, say I do.

That's my best friend. Yeah. You know, six years ago, my, we brought my grandma and a friend of mine who were at the wedding, they were pissed. They were like, this is the second time we've had to watch you get married. I do not wanna wear these shoes again. And I looked my grandma in the eye cuz my grandma lied to me years ago.

Uhhuh, right when I was a kid. Uhhuh about moving here. Okay. Oh right. Yes. Right. People can watch your special, the intruder to find out more about this on Max or on it. Delta, United Air or Alaska. Honestly, just open your eyes. Your's? The airplane somewhere? Yeah, it's on. It's on the planes. Yeah. If you don't have HBO, O or HBO Max or we're catching flights this year.

Yes. Get on that flight or whatever. Not feelings. Mm-hmm. Or [14:20:00] vpn, I don't care. Download it. Get it for free. I made it for the people. Um, pew. So yes, my, because my grandma had lied to me years ago, I became undocumented because we overstayed our tourist visas. You know, that's how she snuck me here.

Mm. But she was like all like judging and angry about us having to get married a second time. And then, so I was like, This is the second time I've been undocumented and didn't know, you know, but this time and then, and then grandma got real quiet. Yeah. But I was like, but I didn't want her to feel bad, you know?

Okay. So I was like, but this, this time it was my fault. You know? So that is growth. Right? Or even for our family, that is growth. That's what I call gross. I love it. I feel like I, okay, let's whip through these rapid fire cues. Oh yeah. Yes. Do you have a killer move when it comes to love and dating or sex?

Oh gosh. Killer move. Mm-hmm. Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm 140 years old. Rory, what do you want from me? [14:21:00] A spell. Like a what? Some. A trick I do with my tongue. What is it? There's families listening to this. Oh God. Tune out now. No, what? A trick. What's your trick? I'm not good at rapid fires, by the way. You're not good at rapid fires.

Yeah, I get nervous and I'm like, what the hell? You're like, I'm sweating. I'm sweating. I throw things. Okay, we move through that. No, no, no, no, no. Okay. A trick, a killer move. Like my killer move would be like I hold eye contact and then I'm like, oh, okay. Like maybe something like that, or on dating apps when I was on them like, Ooh, you look like trouble.

Or I'd be like, wow, you look like my future ex-boyfriend or something. Like, dumb like that, you know? I don't know. Those are good. Thank you. It's like I got like, wow. I'm like, I think my body temperature rose. You're like corned up. You're like, yeah, let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, whatever. What's your ideal date?

A killer date? Um, oh gosh. Ideal [14:22:00] date. Uh, I like so many things, but I also don't like a lot of things. I, I, so just something not outdoors. I love that I'm watching you meltdown in real time. Too many options. I said rapid fire, and she said, no, I don't do rapid fires. I'm like, the worst. My brain. Okay. What kills a day?

I work at a ten second delay. Okay. Date killer. Date killer. Worst thing. That skill. Oh. Oh. Don't be, oh, if you're so shitty. If you're shitty to the waiter or any staff. Fair. Then you're, then I consider you're not a good person. Just like forever. There's no turning back. I agree. I agree. What's one thing in your self-love practice?

Um, oh, um, like nails, doing my nails. Is that so basic? No. Yeah, I think that's great because I don't meditate. I don't even have a therapist. I mean, you're surprised. I'm raw dogging it. Raw dogging life. This is my true self, my true, authentic, self unfiltered. You're welcome. I should, it's a warning. [14:23:00] Yes. By the way, so my nails, I get my nails done.

The idea of not having a therapist and therefore raw dogging life is like the funniest thing I think I've heard on the show ever. It's truly, it's kind of, yeah, I have to be careful because then people might be like, why are you doing that to society? So you just walking around being yourself and I'm like, Uhhuh.

Yes. Okay. Last question. What is the best love advice you've ever been given?

Nobody gives me love advice. What? Yeah, they asked me for love advice. Okay. Well, asking. I think we have it all figured out. Then I do think you guys kind of have it all figured out. You seem great, happy, like you love each other. It's consistent. I mean you, I like you both as individuals and I like you even more together.

I mean, it feels like you guys both really get each other and in a way that feels grounded and not performative and special. And I think the way that he has. Supported you, but also you've supported him throughout this like journey is really remarkable and unique in Los Angeles. Like I, I do actually think you guys are a really special [14:24:00] couple.

Oh, that's so you sweet. You always seem to be really fun together. So like, I. Yeah. I don't know. I, I, I, I would love to get your relationship advice. Oh, I don't need to give any, I'm just saying No. Well, I mean, I, well, the advice is just to like, literally have fun. It's like the whole present thing. Mm. Like the clock when you're giggling to yourself about the person or something, because that then chase that, you know, chase that and try to recreate that over and over.

Um, chase giggles. Yeah, truly nobody gave me love advice. Probably just because again, like, you know, usually the people to give you love advice would be like your elders or something, right? Mm-hmm. And yeah, my elders were like, we don't remember my mom's like, I was with your dad one year. You know, my grandma's like, I was my husband, so he died, you know?

Yeah. Uh, when she was 30. And so she's like, I don't know. That was. Eight 50 years ago. [14:25:00] So Yeah. That's hard. Yes. That's why they didn't give me love, love advice, but you figured it out. Mm-hmm. From like movies and like ourselves I guess, or something. Watching other people. Yeah.

Well that has really not helped me. Well, TBD on that sometimes, or sometimes watching too many people doesn't help. Yeah, because then you compare yourself and you're like a completely different person, so. If people want more of you, where do they find you? Um, oh, this is over? Yeah. Um,

was that rapid? Oh, rapid fire usually. Yeah. Rapid fire usually goes to the rapid up. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I'm literally on a ten second delay. That's how like, you don't seem like you're on a ten second delay. That's No, that, that's how I work. Really? Yeah. Echo. People can find me on, at Osco Comedy, on Instagram and, you know, thread.

Oh God. [14:26:00] And Twitter, I'm still on there. And then on TikTok, I'm, let's go Osco, because I couldn't remember the password. Or I can, someone already has Osco comedy on TikTok or something rude and I think it's me. Oh, less rude, but I can't remember the password for that. Oh, that's upsetting. Anyway, that's why it's confusing.

Yeah. Sock drawer. Yeah. And on Air Canada. And Delta America. And Delta and United hbo. Max Max Alaska. But not, not the airlines that don't have screens. Correct. And I won't call them out cuz I'm not. I don't classist. Yeah. Got it. Thank you so much for doing this. You're the best. Thanks for having me.