Ghosting Victim or Villain with Bree Essrig

[19:33:00]

 Juicy, I mean, Wow, that kept going on. It kept taking turns. It kept taking turns. I love it. Do you relate to any of that? Not personally, but she is an icon. An icon, right? A villain. A villain icon. I don't know if I even see her as a villain in this case. I know, who's in the wrong, right? If Nick had been offended, I would be like, okay, but he seemed to like it.

Sure, yeah. So therefore, she's not really technically an icon. And then they did date. Yeah, and he didn't ghost her. No. So... I mean, my parents would never let something like that slide. Ever. If some guy actually... Oh my gosh. This did kind of happen. What? I just thought of this. Okay, no. Sorry. I really oversold that.

Low, low stakes. My sister went out with this guy, and then I found out that he had also tried to match with me on an app and was already following me on Instagram. And I met him because they were dating. I didn't make the connection till after the fact. So [19:34:00] I meet him just thinking, Oh, this is the dude that my sister's dating.

And then maybe a couple weeks later, I realize like, Oh, this guy tried to holler at me. And he's already following me on social media. Did he know, you think, that or no? So I told my sister. And of course my Dude, you're supposed to play cool. You're just supposed to, like, dead him and move on. Don't go out him.

Oh wait, now that I think about it, it didn't quite happen that way to me, but I did date two brothers.

You did? I did. And date is a loose word. Hooked up with. Sure, sure, sure. And. Yeah, it happened at their parents house. Both times? Both times. Whoa. Were you in high school? I had just graduated from high school. And yeah, I went, I snuck into their house in the middle of the night, I guess. And I gave the guy a handjob or something.

Like one of the brothers. He was cute. He didn't reciprocate. I was like, okay, I'm not really into this. And he, I love that you knew that [19:35:00] so young. It took me way too long to figure that out. Yeah. Well I didn't, I don't think I knew at the time why I wasn't do it, but I was just like, he was like, okay, you can go now.

Felt dead inside. Okay. Well your brother is way nicer than you. Maybe I should. And he was like, yeah, you should. So it was different. Yeah. It was like he was okay with it. Do guys ever try to hit on both you and your sister? My sister and I look so different. I feel like we attract different types of guys.

My sister and I look so similar that people sometimes think we're twins. Oh, I bet guys love that shit. Yeah, which has always weirded me out. Yeah, who wants to have a threesome with their sibling?

Yes, and it's such a male fantasy too, which is so weird. I wonder if part of that is in the fantasy, they know it's two performers, so they just look like they're related. Hmm. Well, that makes sense. But I'm talking about like people who are like, I can't wait for Mary Kate and [19:36:00] Ashley to turn 18 and have sex with me.

You know, like that type of fantasy. It's like, why would they? What in what world? Yeah, that is so bizarre. Yeah, this is really random and just made me think of it It has nothing to do with this story. Okay, so If you could fuck a clone of yourself, do you think that's incest or do you think that's more closer to masturbation?

Masturbation for sure. Just a thousand percent would I need to know what I look like during sex? I have to know Oh, I that's the last thing I want to know. I have a feeling I look Insane. Like, so cringe. Quasimodo. Like, there's just no way that that looks hot. Have you ever taken video of yourself? No, because I don't want it to end up on the internet.

Good for you. And the only way to, to not have it end up on the internet is to not take it. That's so true. Yeah. I mean, from this story, the parents, I, I think they're the villains.

They are kind of the villains because they raised such a piece of shit. Obviously, I don't [19:37:00]understand any of this. It goes on after a year? That is my number one question is like, how, who would do that to somebody? Like that is so evil. Although to be fair. I understand like one date. I, I, I was dating a guy for almost three years and he called me on the phone, broke up with me on the phone, which is crazy cause we had tickets to go to Africa together in like six months.

So it's not like, I mean we had talked about getting married. He called me on the phone, dumped me, and then refused to ever speak to me again. Ew. So, in some ways, that was like an OG ghosting, but not like, not really. Nobody's ever, I've never dated anybody for a significant amount of time and then they just drop off.

Yeah. That's psychotic. That's crazy. In that sense, I kind of feel like Frank had it coming to him. Totally. I think Frank is the real villain and kind of is. I mean, he probably lied to her. I kind of feel bad. He probably lied to her about so many different parts, so maybe not. But like, don't go slash someone's tires and like the revenge porn.

Like, save that for your [19:38:00] husband. Like, do that shit to the man who scorned you. Yeah, yeah. I'm on your wavelength. I've always wanted to be crazy. I'm way too afraid to slash tires because I think I saw something maybe it's an urban legend where like if you hit it the wrong way, it'll pop. So I'm afraid of getting hurt.

Oh, it would be my luck that I would go do like a quote unquote bad thing. And then I would get hurt. Yeah, so I would never do that. But I love the idea of going crazy. Like I love the idea of being an Ashley. Yeah, absolutely. I think she is Such an icon. I mean, the balls it took to, I don't even know if I would slide into the DMs.

Like I would assume that I was going to get caught. Yeah. And then to show up to the barbecue and then have it turn out to be an engagement party. I would have so much anxiety doing that. That's why I'm just like, first of all, people who don't have anxiety, like, what's that like? What is that like? I have anxiety showing up to parties hosted by people that I'm best friends with.

Yes. Same. So the [19:39:00] idea of walking into a landmine. Yeah. I let her in the shit down type of attitude that I wish. But I love that she was like, I knew someone was going to be uncomfortable and it wasn't going to be me. Ugh. I love that for her. Like tattooed that on my forearm. Yeah. Oof. I'm, I'm just so relieved that Nick was down.

Right. Right. Because this could have gone, I mean, she, yeah, like we said. He could have been upset. He could have been really upset and then it, she would have been like, kind of a piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then he was into it. But yeah, the parents are the real villains in this. Well. It's bizarre that they never had a convo or that they never, like, there's no world in which if I was getting married or my sister was getting married, I would be able to take a date like that to the wedding.

Yeah. My parents would be like, no way. Yeah. Or you can't sit in the front row. Yeah. The fact that they were like, yeah, whatever, we like her. That's wild. I mean, she's hilarious, so. She After hearing her have all that sex, my parents would never, they would be like, No? No. They would be like, Did you grow up in a sex positive, [19:40:00] sex negative, sex avoidant?

That's a good question. I would say sex avoidant, but mostly positive. Like, I could go to my parents and ask them questions and they would be cool about it. Yeah. Um, I, I asked my mom to get me a vibrator when I was in high school. And she was so uncomfortable with it, but she did it anyway. Oh. So, cause I, I basically was like, Yeah.

I want to be sexual, but I would rather just do it myself than have another partner. And I think that made her like, Oh, she's not going to have sex. So good. Motivated to, yeah. Yeah. Wow. But even after high school when I dated people and I was living with a guy, I still had to sleep in a separate room when we went to visit my parents.

Which is so weird, because we were living together. Yeah. But yeah. It's crazy. I went to boarding school, so I basically lived with my boyfriend and then by that time my parents just would get us like one room and we would, we would just share it because they knew what was up. Yeah. But. It's nice. Yeah. I had a different like upbringing for [19:41:00] sure.

Yeah. And I came from a pretty sex positive household. Although I never, I never asked for a vibrator. I also got into them really late. So there's also that. I just like was like somebody that didn't really like mess with vibrators until I was in my twenties, which is weird. Yeah. So have you ever been ghosted? No. No. Really? Yeah, but I have been a ghoster.

But it wasn't serious, like it wasn't anything serious, it was like I went on a date with somebody once and I was too afraid to say I don't want to see you again. Because you thought that they would get violent or mad? Yeah. Oh. I was scared. I was just scared. Yeah. Of like, confrontation. Oh, okay. That's a little different than violence.

Yeah. I was afraid of confrontation. I don't think it's the right thing to do. I wouldn't do that now, but it was like, you know, my early 20s. Got it. Yeah, I was more confrontational in my early 20s. This one guy, actually, this one guy did ghost me. It was around Halloween and, um, we had plans and then I never heard from him and I saw him post something on whatever social media platform we were using at the time and [19:42:00] I texted him and he said just saw whatever post and was like, holy cow.

I'm so glad you're out of the hospital. And he was like, what do you mean? I wasn't in the hospital. And I was like, but your hands. And he was like, what, what, what do you mean? Like, nothing's wrong with my hands. And I said, Oh, well, I never heard from you. So I just assumed the only logical explanation was you broke both of your hands.

Right? That is juicy. Ah, the icon behavior, but crazy, little crazy. And then I called him broken fingers. And then I remember we hooked up. And as we were hooking up, I told him, I was like, Oh yeah, everybody calls you broken fingers. And he's like, why? And I was like, cause you didn't text me. And he was just sort of like, holy shit.

Did he apologize? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. I mean, he's like married with kids now. Yeah. And I'm still single, so. Joke's on me. No. No. See, I would be too afraid to do that. Even that. Really? Yeah. No. That I'm not afraid of doing. But I, I've only ever ghosted once. Hmm. I was like Was it justified? Yeah, but [19:43:00] I, I'm the one that was like kind of the dick.

And then, like, I've, I ghost other people but it's accidental. Yeah, like sometimes I just forget. And I, I'm not on apps or anything anymore but, I feel like I did it more when I was on apps. It's just easier. Yeah. when I was like on apps, there was this girl that I had had one conversation with, barely even a conversation.

It was like two questions, you know, back and forth. She flipped. I just didn't respond. Like I forgot to respond basically. And she flipped out at me. Yeah. That's not somebody you want to date. She found my phone number. I didn't give her my phone number, she found my phone number, she called me, texted me, freaked me out.

I was like, this is not okay. That's crazy! We had one conversation. We didn't even plan on going on a date or anything. It was just like, literally the question stage, like, what are your interests? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I don't know, cheese it. It's like, simple as that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's, okay. Yeah. That takes it to a whole nother level of cray cray. What did you do? I blocked her. I was like, well, I've told her. I'm like, this is not okay. We've had one [19:44:00] conversation. I don't think that should elicit this type of behavior. No. And then I blocked her. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. It's, it's hard.

There's like, I get the like PTSD that comes with dating, but like that is crossing the line. Yeah. I mean, I've had guys not respond to my, questions on dating apps. That's, I don't, I don't consider that ghosting though. That's just part of the apps. Yeah. So during this, she says Frank is six five and you said red flag.

Would you care to elaborate on that? Just cause I dated someone who was six five who was awful. That was the only reason I said it. I mean. I feel like tall people can get away with being pieces of shit. It's like pretty privilege, but tall privilege? Tall privilege. Yeah. Now I only date people who are like 5'6 5'7 For reals?

You love a short king? I do love a short king. Or queen. Or queen. I weirdly have flip flopped. Now, everybody that I've dated in the last couple of years has been between 6 about 2 and 6'6 Interesting. [19:45:00] Which is weird. My boyfriend, he makes a joke, he's 5'6 he always makes a joke, he's like, if I were tall, I'd be a piece of shit.

I'm like, you probably would. Hmm. You're like, but at least you're short and that's why we're together. Short and humble, the way I like them. Keep them humbled. Yeah, wait, I saw a funny meme that was about when somebody asked somebody who's 5'7, like, what were you like when you were small?

And the response was you being like this morning. Dark, dark. So, you also said something about sex work is a red flag. Oh, male sex workers. Oh! Yeah. Really? Not female sex workers. I don't consider, no. Yeah, male sex workers have a history of being problematic. There's a lot of really problematic men in the industry.

Okay. there's some great ones, but very few. It's so funny because I'm dating one right now. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, what's that like? What's it been like? Any red flags that you've noticed? Honest. I mean, I think that our situation is specific in that it's casual and fun and I [19:46:00] will say he is so respectful.

So respectful. consent, huge. Always checking in, in terms of like sexual health and all of that. That's a priority. So that's been, my experience has been really positive. Good. But he's also retired now. So I don't know if that. Is a factor or not. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. He burned out. Okay. It happens.

Which is hilarious. That happens. You also start to see sex as like, not fun anymore because it's your job. Yeah. So then it's just like, oh. Has that happened? Or in waves? Yes. It comes in waves for sure. Yeah. But burnout for any content creator is so real. Yeah. That's very true. I just never really thought about it.

Yeah. That, that even if you're like a spicy creator that you still also get burnout. 100%. Also, you have to look at yourself all day and that's, that causes its own set of issues. Yeah. What got you into sex work? So, I started, uh, Doing in person sex work in my early 20s because, yes, I [19:47:00] was a sugar baby when I was like 23.

Whoa! That was just accidental? No, it wasn't. I actually, I was working at a media company and I was a co host on a pop culture news show. We only filmed twice a week and the pay was not great, but I couldn't get a full time job because I wanted to keep doing it. So, I had to find discreet ways to make money or like, you know, part time here and there.

Yeah. And sugaring was... I don't know. I always thought I would be really good at it. Were you? And I was. I was so good at it. I loved it. What makes somebody good at being a sugar baby? You're good at talking to people. Okay. Check. You're great at flirting. I think flirting and validating men... Yeah. I was great at that.

But I think the problem that I would have is that I've never been able to like, get I was going to say get hard, which is, we all know what I mean. Yeah. if I'm not actually attracted to someone. Yeah. Well, that's actually, a lot of people think you have to date [19:48:00] like these old ugly guys, but you don't.

Like, you can be picky. My sugar daddy was young and hot. He was in his early thirties, he was in a band, he traveled a lot, and he was like, I can't do a traditional relationship because I travel for work. He was great. He was actually very vanilla, which, he was pretty open about the fact that he was very vanilla and he didn't want to do certain things, which I totally understood, but other guys. that I was dating. It was the complete opposite. But it was like, we had a really nice time. Like, he was my sugar daddy for like six months.

But he, we would like go on vacations. He'd take me on vacations. How? Yeah, basically. Why didn't you become your boyfriend? I started dating somebody else. That was the only reason. Wow. I, I liked him, but I didn't. Love him. I wasn't obsessed with him. I wasn't like, Oh, I got to have him. It was more just like, Oh, I enjoy this casual relationship.

It's an arrangement. It's an arrangement. Yeah. We had a good arrangement. It was like once a week I would go to his place. We would go out to nice [19:49:00] dinner. He'd like bag up the leftovers for me, put 300 bucks in the bag, gas money. He called it, you know, we'd have sex. We're like, we danced to music and his house.

It was like very chill dating, but you got money at the end of it. Yeah. Totally. Whoa. Yeah, and all my sugar daddies after that. I did date a couple that I wasn't attracted to, but I really liked their personalities. Like they had really wonderful, great personalities. It was just, some of them were just kind of hard to be around.

Dude, I feel like you just described a couple of people I dated and I did not get paid. Yeah. In fact, I did a lot of community service. Tax write off, you know what I mean? That's so generous of you. Brett. Wow. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, yeah. I mean. It's, it's hard to go from that to traditional dating again because you're not getting anything out of traditional dating.

Love and compassion. Most of the time. Hopefully. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, I hear we, I, I understand what you're saying, at least. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, plus, when you're in a sugar [19:50:00] relationship, sometimes, not all the time, some daddies want you to, you know, be their only sugar baby. He actually, my daddy, had other sugar babies, too.

Okay. And I was fine with that, and I could date other people too, so. So it was an arrangement that like worked for you. Yeah, I imagine if it's like an exclusive situation that comes with a bigger price tag. Totally. Yeah. And when I got out of that relationship that I left the sugar daddy for, I went right back to sugar dating.

And was there an app for that, or how were you arranging? Okay, yeah. Seeking arrangements. Yeah, okay. This was like, OG. Yeah. I don't know if it's safe anymore. I don't know if it's too oversaturated now. I don't know what it's like anymore, but it was great at the time. Sugar babies are like the podcasters of dating.

Pretty much. Yeah. Except sugar daddies because it was like, you know how on Ashley Madison, they had to like create bots to talk to these men because women weren't signing up. It was just men. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, there's a juicy docuseries about it on Hulu that I can't wait to watch that. [19:51:00] And I actually didn't know that either, but it was like, yeah, I think Seeking Arrangement started doing the same thing because it's like you have so many sugar daddies and not enough sugar babies.

Yeah. Well, so you really did have your pick at the time. At the time, yeah. Yeah, and then everyone started signing up for it. And then it's like, and then it got to a point where it was like, you would date someone and find out that they're, oh, they're, they're not. Rich, which is fine, you don't have to be rich, but like, they're not who they said they were.

Right, right, right, right. And they couldn't afford to pay you. It's the person showing up in like a Mercedes whatever and then going back to their studio apartment in the valley. Totally. And you're like, wait, what? 100%. Yeah, yeah. So if it wasn't going to actually meet the criteria for your arrangement, what was the point?

Because this was also your supplemental income. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, and there were a lot of guys who would say, like, Oh, I can't give you an allowance, but, like, I can take you on, like, a shopping spree or something, and it's, it'd be, you'd go to one store, and they'd buy you, one thing, like, one dress or something, not even, like, a designer, Yeah, you were [19:52:00] like, I don't want to do this. Yeah, I'm like, I could just convince any other person that I'm dating to do this for me. Hopefully, if I'm good at what I do, but... Oh my God. Yeah. It was like, it's hit or miss, for sure, but I, I always had a good time sugaring, and the people that I dated were really nice people.

Some of them just had a hard time with women. Sure, yeah, that makes sense. They just weren't good at meeting women. That's a lot of people. Yeah. And then, did your parents know? No. Do they know now? No, but they know that I do OnlyFans, and they know about my other stuff, and I What is the other stuff? just like online sex work.

Okay. Like camming, or more like messaging? Messaging. Okay. I never got into camming just because I have stage fright. I know. I'm a performer, but I have stage fright. Hilarious. I know. And I always feel like I never know what to say when I'm live. Oh. That's literally the only reason I didn't do camming. But I also don't do, like, I, I call myself an R-rated sex worker, not an X-rated.

So I do [19:53:00] like soft core, stimulated just nudes. Mm-hmm. , Playboy style nudes. Like not bent over spread. Sure. Like anything that Jennifer Lawrence would do in a movie or ri Keo did on like the girlfriend experience. Yeah. That's what I do. Okay. So if, you know, if you're coming to my site and you're like, oh, I want to see you like, fuck somebody.

That's not. Yeah, it's not gonna be, you're not gonna, it's interesting because I know that that can be a really hard line to keep. It really is. It is because you see the money rolling in and you're like, I could make more if I do. Of course. X, Y, Z. Of course. But you really have to hold firm to your boundaries.

Mm hmm. Yeah. It's taught me that I need to set proper boundaries, which is good. I think I've learned a lot. It's interesting, Ashley, the subject of the story, we had a, more of a longer conversation that got edited and, and she was saying one of the things that she encourages these young girls to do is like, don't ever put your videos.

On OnlyFans, direct them to a site that you host, so that you own it, so that you can pull it at any time [19:54:00] and you're the one that's in control of whether it gets ripped or paywalled or whatever, but that if it's on OF, they, they own it. Yeah, I mean that's great advice. As long as, OF does have a watermark on their content, which is good for you because you can put, you can send like, you know, a service to basically pull all the links, and anything that's watermarked is automatically pulled from any site.

Oh, interesting. Oh, cool. Yeah, so there is that benefit to posting on OnlyFans, but she's right, they do own your content at that point. That's wild. Yeah. So, how is balancing being in a relationship with also being a sex worker? Does that get complicated? It can, but like I said, I set boundaries, like very specific boundaries, and I do scenes with other women, but I don't do scenes with men.

And they're all my girlfriends, and we all are kind of in the same boat. But you are bisexual. Yeah. Yeah, okay, so. But this is more just like... Yeah, and a lot of those girls are straight, which is...

Interesting. Yeah. , I mean, I'm lucky that I, [19:55:00] that I have a partner that's okay with it.

There are so many people that are not okay with it, but yeah, I mean, he knew what he was getting into when he started dating me. Sure. So, yeah, I feel like it's, I mean, just even having this show and just even being the person that I am and I am not a sex worker, it is. It's weird.

What about social media and dating? Has that ever been like her being like, I don't like to follow and I don't like guys that I'm dating following me on social media.

I weirdly agree with her now. I didn't, and it was a thing that always caused me problems. Yeah, I mean, I, I think that's just a personal preference, because I would love the person I'm dating to be following me and supporting whatever it is that I'm doing, and vice versa. But that's just me. I also, in my early 20s, I was dating, I had a boyfriend, but I was at a bar with my cousins, and I saw this really cute guy who I was kind of flirting with, and I was trying to like, be respectful, and at the end of the night he asked me for my number, and I told him to [19:56:00] subscribe to my YouTube channel.

It's one of the most cringe things I've ever done in my life, and I, it haunts me to this day, but it is really funny. I... I understand why it haunts you. Yeah. It will haunt me. Yeah. I'm sorry. No, that's amazing. Did he? No, but when I broke up with a guy, I ran into him at the same bar. Same guy, same bar, like...

Months later. I mean, maybe he's just an alcoholic that likes to Oh! We ended up dating. Oh! He was like, remember when you told me to subscribe to your YouTube channel? And you were like, unfortunately, uh, every night around 11. 45 as I'm trying to fall asleep I do think about that. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. That's pretty incredible.

Yeah. I've done some really, oh my god, okay, I was out with some friends. This was this year. And a couple of dudes on my roster, like, situations happened, like one moved, whatever. Whatever. So I was in like a dry spell and thought, Eh, I need to get some bodies up in there. And my friend was on a TV show.

And this guy created the TV show. We were [19:57:00] out at a club, which is not really my vibe. But, I was like, Oh, this guy looks like... safe. And when I say a guy looks safe, I just mean,

he's not going to emotionally destroy me. Okay. I thought you meant he's not going to physically murder me. That too. Like he's a dad and he has kids, so I don't, he has too much to live for in order to physically hurt me. Yes, maybe. I mean, I know that that's, that's not always the case, but like, and whatever, he's well known, so he wasn't, I, I could gamble on that, but I was like, uh, this is not the kind of guy that's gonna ruin me, you know what I mean?

Safe assessment, yeah. Safe assessment. There's also things about him that I don't find attractive, and like, I find that that makes for the best, like, fuck buddy. Somebody that you... Like, if you hate smoking, they have to be a smoker, or if you're really, really driven and they have no drive, like, perfect for a fuck buddy, or if you can stomach it, I wouldn't be able to, but like, if they have different political views than you, like, perfect, because that's not going to be somebody that you end up with long term.

Right. So it makes for a [19:58:00] perfect friends with benefits situation. Sure. Just benefits situation. Anyway, I walk up to him and I was like, hey, if you want to hook up sometime, you should just hit me up and he was like, whoa What an excellent pitch.

No notes, . Yeah. It's a good pitch, but then never followed up. Aw, I know. Okay. Well, thats a bummer. It was a big swing. It's ballsy. It's hot. I'm very, very ballsy, but sometimes I have moments where, when I believe everybody hates me, that I think about that and I'm like, I wish, I wish that you had done it to somebody that has said yes. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And it will work eventually.

Oh, it's, it, I mean, it works nine times out of ten. If I'm ever single, I may steal that. By all means. It's really good.

By all means, I'll, I'll pull up the text conversations and find out exactly what I said. Perfect. Um, my thing with like following somebody on social media is I feel like sometimes it makes me too attached to them too soon. Yeah. I feel like we're already friends, but that's because I've been [19:59:00]following you and seeing your content and engaging with All of, like, your stories and your posts and stuff for so long now, and when I do that with a dude, I do think, for me, it breeds, like, a little too much familiarity or, like, a closeness that we haven't earned yet.

Yeah. I don't know. That's why I'm not into it. I do agree with that. Yeah. And then, also, if it ends, like, great. Now what? I gotta see you frickin go visit your parents in Michigan and your little kitten or whatever. Like, things that, it's just a reminder. I know. I'm, I'm, I'm a muter. Yeah. Mute is good. It's just I forget the people are muted and then years will go by and I'm like, oh weird.

I follow that person. Yeah I'm, see, I'm like so confrontation avoidant that I will not unfollow or block. I will just mute people that I don't want to see. How do you deal with breakups then? I mean, it depends on the person. Okay. Historically, I have not been friends with exes. There's only one ex of mine that I still talk to.

And how, what happens if you're the one that wants to break up with them, but you're so confrontational avoidant? I stay [20:00:00] in the relationship for way too long. And it has, it has to come to a breaking point. And it's, it's. It's something I need to work through in therapy. Interesting. Yeah. It's bad. It's gotten way better, obviously.

It's funny because that's like a tactic I've used in order to stay friends with dudes. Interesting. I, yeah, I did that once. I told an ex that I would be friends with him to just break up.

And then I never spoke to them. Oh, That was. That was like The one time. Yeah. He was a terrible person. Oh. I shouldn't, and I felt bad. And I shouldn't have. How'd you end up dating a terrible person? Oh my God. He was a mutual, he was like In a friend group a long time ago, and he had popped up to comment on like a post on my Instagram Yeah, I was like, oh my god.

I haven't seen or heard about this person in so long So we just like message started talking about like kink. Mm hmm Cuz I just posted something about being kinky and he like was like, oh, I'm so interested and curious Yeah, so that's how we [20:01:00] like met. Okay, and then slowly over time. It was like Worse the worst the worst the worst Yeah, I find like My trajectory when I look back at my love life is I got hurt by one guy, didn't fully heal from that and it really paved the way for a series of other hurts.

I feel like I really just rolled into bad relationship to bad relationship to bad relationship. I've had people ask me the question I asked you, which is like, how did you end up dating somebody who's like a bad dude? Because you seem so self confident and like you have a lot of self worth and self love.

And I was like, that's such a great question. And it was like, oh, because. It got chipped away unexpectedly. Yeah. And then I didn't realize how much had been chipped away. And then every other situation after that was also slowly chipping away. Yeah. And so I could show up in work or with my friends or in all these other areas and still be super self confident and have a lot of self love and self worth, but maybe not in that one area.

Yeah. It's interesting that you say that, and I know it's not just an L. A. thing, I'm sure this happens everywhere, but like I, [20:02:00] I will say in L. A. there is that nice guy, feminist guy. Yeah. The boy who cried woke? Yes, the boy who cried woke, a thousand percent, and they put up this front and they're just so not that person.

And so you're, they like attract the best people around them. They have great friends. People love them. And then you start dating them and you're like, oh, you are an actual nightmare. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. That happens a lot here. Yeah. That does happen a lot here. I think, the nice guy is like the most scariest catfish of all time.

Yeah. And when I say nice guy, I don't just mean like nice guys. I mean he's a nice guy. Like anybody Yeah, that's his brand. Yeah. Run. Run. Run. A thousand percent. If you're dating the nice guy, I got news for you. He has a basement. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're aligned on that. So, have you ever been in a situation where you've dated a guy, And He's so great that he changes your standards. Like, when I was listening to the conversation, or the story with Nick, it was like Nick came in [20:03:00] the picture and made Ashley realize that Frank was kind of a piece. Because he started showing up in ways that made her go like, Oh. Yeah, that's right. I should be expecting this.

It's so funny you say that. You bring this up because... So my shitty ex that I broke up with, we were in an open relationship. It's hard to screw that up, but he managed to every time. No, I think it's the easiest to screw that up. I guess, I guess it could be. I think using the openness as a shield for shitty behavior is the thing that I see the most common.

I think you're right. But I was, around the first time I met my ex, I had also met my now boyfriend. Oh, nice. So he, I gotta figure out, my next question is gonna be like, where are you meeting all these dudes? So, it's so funny. I am not like an out person usually, but my current boyfriend, was living in New York at the time.

So I met him in an alleyway in L. A. at like two in the morning on Halloween. Yeah, that's not how I thought the story was gonna end. No, and it was like, it's a [20:04:00] good story. We basically, I had just seen my other ex, so many exes, , the one I am friends with. Yeah. He had just performed in this Halloween show, and so it was like, letting out, and so everyone was in the back alley, like, talking, and so I went up, and, um, I basically overheard this guy, dressed as like a cowboy, he was like, oh yeah, I'm just gonna walk home, it's like, two miles, basically someone was asking him how he was gonna get home, and I was like, he was talking to my friends, so I was like, Oh, I'll give you a ride.

And he was like, you really don't have to. I really appreciate that. Great. I'm like, no, it's no problem. It's two miles. So he gets in my car and I'm like, so how do you know my ex? And he's like, who? And I was like, the group you were talking to, he's like, oh, I didn't know those people. Oh. And I was like, oh, okay.

You're like, cool. This is a stranger in my car. This is, I fucked myself on this. But he ended up being an actually okay person. That's amazing. I ended up bringing him home with me instead. Like, it was crazy, but I was dating him and my ex, I was seeing a couple people at the time.

Okay. But he was in New York, so I was like, oh, I love this fling for me. Yeah. [20:05:00] Um, and we kept talking, because I, So I got into this new relationship that was open, so I got to keep talking to my current boyfriend. Oh. And so we were still chatting and then he set the standard. Like he was such an amazing person that while I was dating this horrible person, I'm like, I could be with this other guy instead who actually cares about me.

And so as soon as I dumped this other guy, I immediately pursued my now boyfriend. Wow. So yeah. And he set the standard. Yeah, he set the standard. I love that. I had to import him, but, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do, what a girl's gotta do. Also, importing from New York is like, not too, I mean, it's not like you had to import him from, Spain. Exactly. It's easier. No green card, thank God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, that's brutal. I would do it, but if the situation were right, I would do it, but I don't want to. Yeah, yeah, I hear you. I hear you. Do you want to get married? No. No. Don't believe in it. It's not for me. Sure. I just, yeah. Kids, marriage, not, not for me.

Have you always known that, or is that something that's been recent, like a pandemic [20:06:00] sort of realization? I've always known. Okay. Yeah, always known I didn't want kids, for sure. Are your parents still together? Yeah. They've been together for like 30 something years. I have the same situation. They really fucked me with their unreasonable expectations of love.

It's hard. It's hard to find someone who can, you can, it lasts. Like the, the love and appreciation lasts, you know? Are you? Not wanting marriage also? Oh, I do. I do I think my situation is like I Have I had a some great situations some not great situations And then I went through a string of pretty kind of tumultuous shitty breakups like I broke up with a really great guy had some bad guys after that and then I Had like a massive, massive, massive betrayal, like one that I've never even discussed on the podcast yet.

So, so, so bad. I guess I, at some point I will have to talk about it. and it really was like one of those kind of life changing moments where everything came like crystal clear into focus[20:07:00] and I just went, I did it. I bottomed out. I'm never, I'm never accepting mistreatment ever again. Good for you. And I, and it's been.

Genuinely, so easy ever since. Like, talking to a guy for a month, whatever he goes, I don't care. Thank you. Bye. Yeah. Like, it rewired my brain in a way where I am grateful when people exit my life in that sense because I'm like, it could have been so much worse. I now know it could have been so much worse.

I've lived it. Yeah. I've lived the other alternative ending where I'm the one that's trying to make it work or I'm doing the chasing or any of those things. And so now... I don't do it. instead of trying to look for the good in people, I look for the red flags. And I know that sounds inherently negative or pessimistic, but I don't even mean it in that way.

I mean, like, I just kind of sit back and wait for people to show me who they are. Yeah. I never did that. I was always trying to, like, find the romantic side or the story or, like, the what if we could be a thing. Yeah. Like, this might be the beginning of our love story. I'm talking directly to you. I mean, it could.

It could. Yeah. [20:08:00] No, it's really good that you did that because a lot of people when they have like that type of betrayal happen, they, it's like the complete opposite. They just are so broken inside that they go for worse people over and over. Well, and I've experienced that too. Yeah. You know, like, but this was, I just went the other way and it, so it like really came into focus.

It's just so funny because a lot of people are like, Oh, you're a sex worker. You must have like a lot of trauma and blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, but none of that, that is related to sex work. Like men have been more respectful to me talking to me on OnlyFans than they have in real life, which is wild.

Interesting. It is. Not everyone, but most of them. Most of them understand consent. Yeah. And are great. Well, I feel like that's really in the kink communities. Consent is such a, it has to be a conversation beforehand. It's our cornerstone. It's the cornerstone. Yeah. And I don't think people, I understand that. And so when I've tried to explain to friends like, Oh yeah, we discussed limits, like what is and is not okay, what you prefer, what makes you [20:09:00]uncomfortable.

And I actually just bring those kinds of conversations into and most of the time guys are like, I've never had a conversation like this. That's like a discourse on Twitter. Someone tweeted something about choking, like being the standard. Like most men just go for it without asking, which I noticed in traditional dating.

That's always been the case for me. Like, I'm personally into it, so it hasn't affected me, but I can't imagine, not being into it and someone just doing that to me and thinking it's okay. That's a wild... And terrifying thing if you're not into it or you didn't see it coming. Yeah, and then , the discourse was like, oh, should we ask for consent for that? And it's like, obviously yes. Yes. And people were like, well, no, but everyone's like into it.

And it's like, no. No. No. So, it's just crazy, like, what people think is just passable. And it's, I, I don't like blaming porn for things, but like, they're not asking for permission in porn to get choked. Uh, [20:10:00] yeah, and I, I think that is how a lot of people learn. Yeah. Which is, which is so... Bizarre, and that's like a conversation that could take us into next year.

I have some rapid fire questions for you. Oh, for sure. Okay. Killer move. What's a move that you make that always works?

Ooh. I mean, I hate to say this, but sliding into people's DMs usually works. What, like, what are you, what are we using? Just light flirting. Okay. I'm a fan. That usually works. I'm a fan. I know I hate that, but God Look at Kelsey Ballerini and Chase Stokes. She I know yeah, she's heading to his DM I said hi Chase Stokes or whatever.

Yeah, like hey that it's simple as that like sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't Historically it has worked for me, but my whole profile is filled with half naked photos of me, so I feel like if you're like a traditional more, conservative person, it might not work as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, fair enough. [20:11:00] what's a killer date? Probably, I always feel bad for not liking the traditional things that other people like, but I, I love going to a bar, having a drink. And just chatting at a bar. oh, yeah. That's actually like a perfect date for me.

Love that. Like, dinner is like too long sometimes. Or... Well, yeah, you don't want to get stuck there. I also do a FaceTime pre screen. You do! That's my new move. Yep. Non negotiables, condoms, FaceTime, pre screen. You're already ready to be a sugar baby. Because that is a total sugar baby move. Yeah, you gotta like, have a conversation before you meet up with someone.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. But no, you're, you have the right idea. Everyone should be doing that. Yeah, they should be. On dates. Yes, I agree. Date killer. What kills a date? Someone who's rude. Sure.

Not just to you, obviously, but to the people around. Mm hmm. Immediate date killer. Immediate, yeah. What's one thing in your self love practice? Therapy. Fair. That is the big one because it's another cornerstone. It's really hard for [20:12:00] me to give myself love. So when my therapist tells me, you know, what are some things you like about yourself?

It's that, like having to like have someone pull it out of me. Unfortunately, I know it's not like self love, but me talking about myself to someone else. I love that. That's great. Yeah. And then last but not least, killer advice. What is the best love or dating advice you've ever received? If they don't meet you where you want to be met, they don't like you.

Hmm. They're not into you. If they're not putting effort in, they don't like you. Yeah. Don't put effort into someone who's not reciprocating the same level. Yeah. I, I, I feel that way about everyone in my life now, but again, rock bottom, really, really just. I know, but you, it sounds like you have a lot of really great habits that you've formed from these bad experiences.

It's taken a long time. Yes. Yeah. Yes. But that's why I have this show. Because I'm like, learn from me. Don't go down that alley, go the other way. Yeah. basically, don't do anything I did. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I didn't take your advice. I went down the alley and I picked somebody up.

And it worked for me. And it worked. It worked. [20:13:00] But... Which is actually a really great metaphor for all love and dating advice. Yeah. It's like, what works for me won't work for you. And what works for you might not work for me. A thousand percent. It's just so individualized. Yeah. So it's just like, take what works for you and ignore the rest.

Mm hmm. So if people want to find more of you, how can they find you? You can find me on social media, just at briesserig everywhere. I would promote TikTok, but as a sex worker, we can do Pretty brutal on there. We can literally do, like, you don't have to say anything inappropriate and you just get banned immediately.

Yeah. I've had so many profiles at this point. I just don't, I'm like, I don't even want to do it anymore. I'm sorry to hear that. I'll still link to it, but you know. Hell yeah. I think Instagram is the best because I get shadow banned, but they don't, haven't deleted my account yet. So that's okay. Okay. Fair.

Damn, it's, it's hard out there. It is. Thank you. This has been really fun. It has been. I'm like sweating.